


Doghouse

by localpharmacist



Series: The Scream In Your Throat [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Arguing, Established Relationship, I don't know what else to tag, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Non-Graphic Violence, Thriller, alternative universe, i guess, i think
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:00:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27887158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/localpharmacist/pseuds/localpharmacist
Summary: "I can see it in your face! Whatever you felt for me before, you don't feel it anymore! I can tell, you know? You're disgusted by me!"Tsukishima brought Kageyama to his apartment, thinking that it was the safest place for them to be in after what happened. But he knew that their problems were closing in on them through the walls of Tsukishima's apartment.
Relationships: Kageyama Tobio/Tsukishima Kei
Series: The Scream In Your Throat [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2020277
Comments: 11
Kudos: 34





	Doghouse

**Author's Note:**

> The third part is here! This one picks up after the story in "Fishbone" so if you haven't read the first part, I suggest you to do so because it'll provide more context. I was very excited to write this one.

Ever since he was a kid, he had been told by people that he was very calm and quiet. He had never been in a fight with other kids his age before, well, at least not the ones that required him to tackle someone down and throwing punches and slaps clumsily and wildly. His words were harsher and sharper than the hits from people's hands. He believed that words could hurt people more than sticks and stones, and he was told that he should try getting hit first so that he would know.

His older brother told him that the world could be ending and he would probably nod his head at the information and go about his day without mulling over it. He hadn't said it, but he'd agreed with his brother. He had thought that there wasn't really any point in panicking about that. It was just a made-up scenario, but death was inevitable. People were going to die regardless the world was ending or not.

Tsukishima had spent most of his time thinking than speaking. He had always tried to avoid the hive mind mentality. He preferred his independent thoughts. His friends would always tease him that his brain would eventually explode if he overworked it with his thoughts. But Tsukishima couldn't really stop. It was almost like a way for him to cope.

Lately though, he hadn't been thinking properly.

He guessed he had, but his mind was filled with ruins of panic and incoherent thoughts bouncing off his skull. Something had loosened a few screws that he didn't even know existed in his head before they were messed with. It was such a strange feeling that he couldn't even process it. It felt like his mind belonged to somebody else. And he wondered if he'd given it away willingly or it'd been snatched away from him- this too, he couldn't think of an answer for it.

He supposed he could if he was given the time to, but time had also become such an abstract concept in his head, and that was a problem. He had to know the time because it was extremely crucial for the current situation that he was in.

Well, it wasn't just him alone. He had Kageyama with him.

Tsukishima's eyes found Kageyama sitting on the couch, the same one where they would fool around on. Kageyama had both of his legs up, his arms wrapping them. He was staring blankly at the cup of tea that Tsukishima had made for him.

He looked away from his boyfriend to around the poorly lit room.

His apartment, the space that was supposed to be his home, felt so foreign. He might be overthinking it, but there was something strange in the air. Something that tightened his nerves and senses, making him unable to just calm down. The apartment didn't feel like it had been occupied by anyone despite the fact that he had been living there for the past few years.

Where would they go from here? What should they do after this? These walls and the darkness wouldn't be able to protect and hide them. Tsukishima had to open the door anytime soon. Why did he think it was a good idea to come here? Did he even have any ideas at all? He didn't know.

"Kei," Kageyama called out to him, so quietly that he thought the voice came from his own head.

Tsukishima looked at Kageyama again who was a few steps away from him. Tsukishima crossed his arms, leaning his back against the wall. He didn't say anything, only raised his eyebrows at Kageyama.

"Come here," Kageyama said, outstretching a hand towards him. "Sit with me."

His stomach flipped, and he felt the pain of it travelling up his throat. Tsukishima's eyes shifted from Kageyama's hand and to his face, trying to read him, trying to see what he was thinking and feeling. Tsukishima couldn't see anything, just a pair of waiting blue eyes looking back at him.

"Kei?"

"You need to sleep, Tobio," he decided to say, after swallowing down a lump in his throat. "You look tired. You should go to sleep."

Kageyama arched an eyebrow at him, but Tsukishima stayed quiet, and the silence stretched into a longer one. It was a bit awful, heavy- an invisible force pressing down on him. He wondered if it was Kageyama's gaze or his hand that was still hovering in the air, waiting for Tsukishima to reach out and grab it.

"Are you going to join me?" Kageyama asked.

There was something in his tone, in the way he asked the question which Tsukishima couldn't really pin point. Kageyama had sounded like he was challenging him, questioning him about a whole different matter. And he thought he had given his answer about it. He thought he had proved himself.

He decided to push all of it down his throat. He didn't want to turn this conversation into another fight. They couldn't afford to be fighting right now. Not after what they had done.

"Get some rest, Tobio," he replied, walking towards Kageyama, but he didn't take his hand. "You need it."

Kageyama grabbed his forearm, and Tsukishima absolutely hated himself from almost flinching away at the contact. He wondered if he had shown the way he tried to hold himself back from pulling his arm back. He wondered if Kageyama noticed it. He didn't want Kageyama to know.

Tsukishima looked at Kageyama, and the younger male was staring at him, into his eyes, and Tsukishima felt so naked all of a sudden. Maybe it was the low lighting or maybe he was just too tired, but he couldn't find anything in Kageyama's eyes. Not the blue, not the weariness of tonight, not even the redness that had occupied them as Kageyama cried in the car earlier. He couldn't even find his own reflection. Just the darkness focused on him.

The owner of those sharp eyes stood up, looking up at Tsukishima who stepped back as Kageyama leaned in. He was still holding Tsukishima's forearm, and on his skin he felt a prickling heat from Kageyama's hand. Needles pressed against his skin, digging into his flesh, and Tsukishima looked away.

He felt Kageyama's fingers uncurling from his forearm slowly. He still could feel the unpleasant heat from Kageyama's handprint on his skin.

"Come to bed with me," Kageyama finally said.

Tsukishima gulped. "You can go first."

"Why? You need a rest, too."

Tsukishima shook his head. "I need to think."

"Think about what?"

"About what to do next." Tsukishima rubbed his temple. "I need to think of something."

"You can't think forever. We have to do something soon, Kei. You know that I'm gonna be the first person they look for."

"I know that, Tobio," he replied, almost exasperatedly. "That's why I'm trying to think of something."

His eyes laid on the framed picture on the wall. It was a picture of him and Kageyama at the beach. The sun was setting behind them, and it had lit up their figures. Their eyes were crinkled from smiling so big, and the wind had blown their hairs in varying direction. He had an arm around Kageyama, another one holding the camera, and the black-haired man was hugging his middle. Kageyama had told him that he used to go to the beach with his grandfather and Miwa when he was a kid, and he had wanted to visit it once again with Tsukishima. It was a good day, and he had had the time of his life staring at Kageyama as the two of them walked along the shoreline, holding their sandals, watching the water kissing their skins.

"You don't have to," Kageyama said. "We made a plan already. We don't have to think of another one."

Tsukishima's eyebrows furrowed. "Lying to the cops? They're going to see right through it."

"That's why we have to be consistent with our statements."

"That's not going to be easy," he said, shaking his head.

"We have to practice them first. I came home from work to find my aunt drunk. She was an alcoholic. She started to hit me and I hid in my room because I didn't want to fight her-" Tsukishima's lips twitched- "and she had bruises on her body because she was in trouble with some loansharks. I called you, while you were in your apartment, to pick me up because I was scared."

"You'll have to tell them that she had been hitting you for years now, and what would you say if they questioned you calling me because you were scared?"

"I was scared because she was threatening to kill me. She was holding a broken bottle. She wanted to stab me."

"Where was the bottle, Tobio?" Tsukishima asked.

"It was on the floor when I tried to push her away. We should tell the cops that _you_ tried to lock her in another room because she was trying to attack you," Kageyama replied, pointing a finger at Tsukishima.

"Why me?" Tsukishima raised an eyebrow.

Kageyama tilted his head. "Because I was hiding in my room, remember? I called you, and you came by. You saw her trying to break into my room, and when you tried to get her away, she came at you with the bottle so you had to push her into another room to lock her."

"How did I get inside the house, Tobio?"

"The door was unlocked. I didn't have the chance to lock it because as soon as I was inside, she started to yell and hit me."

Tsukishima ran his hand through his blond strands, gripping them between his fingers as he exhaled harshly. What were they doing? What was going on with them?

"They'll find her body at the bottom of the stairs," Tsukishima said quietly. "What do you think we should say about that?"

Kageyama _shrugged._ "We won't have to say anything about that. She had been drinking that night. Drunk people trip over their own feet. She fell down the stairs."

"I hit her in the head, Tobio," he whispered, afraid that if spoken aloud, the words would be heard by everyone. "They'll know."

 _"They won't know,"_ Kageyama replied through gritted teeth. "She fell down the stairs. She hit her head against the steps. It happens to people."

"Oh, my God," he groaned, taking his glasses off and pinching the bridge of his nose.

He should've had thought about it more. He should've had weighted the whole thing properly, but instead all he had thought about was ending Kageyama's pain. That had been his priority, it had always been the only thing he was so focused on doing- to keep Kageyama safe and sound. He failed to see the other options because the sight of Kageyama, bruised and bleeding, had been the only thing that filled his vision.

Kageyama wasn't even crying when he told him about it, or when he treated his wounds. He had been so nonchalant about it, so listless in the way he spoke about the abuse, as if it meant nothing. As if the pain was nothing. But Tsukishima knew that Kageyama was just tired, and that had scared him. Kageyama was exhausted with his life. He didn't want Kageyama to feel that way.

And that had made it easy to throw his humanity away.

"We can do it, Kei. We just have to stay consistent, and our statements have to complement each other's. They won't know." He heard Kageyama say as he opened his eyes, putting his glasses on again.

Kageyama reached his hands up to touch Tsukishima's face, but the taller man jerked his head away in response, even before those hands came in contact with him.

He regretted it in the very next second.

Kageyama's face just dropped, and so did his hands. They fell to his sides as if they had no weight at all. Tsukishima could see his body slumping, making him look smaller in his grey hoodie. He didn't shake like he had been in the car- he just stilled, as if Tsukishima had struck him in the face. The bruise under his right eye suddenly became so prominent on his skin, and everything just tugged on Tsukishima's already weak heart.

"Tobio, I-" he tried to grab Kageyama's hands, and it was Kageyama's turn to back away.

He felt so selfish for feeling sad and hurt by that. He felt like such a prick, and the way Kageyama just looked away made the knot in his stomach twist. Draining him. Kageyama's eyes were avoiding his.

"Forget about the plan. I'll just confess."

Tsukishima's eyes widened at that. "What?! No! You're not going to confess!"

"It doesn't matter."

"It does matter!" He grabbed Kageyama's arms, and he wasn't letting go even when Kageyama told him to. "You can't confess!"

"Because we can't go with the plan. Clearly you don't like it!"

"Do I have to like it? You know what we did, Tobio. Of course I don't like the plan whether it'll work or not!"

"It's not the plan that you don't like," he said, finally looking up at Tsukishima, eyebrows furrowed and scowl deep. "It's _me_ that you don't like!"

Tsukishima scrunched his eyebrows in confusion. "What are you talking about?!"

"You're disgusted by me!" he shouted. "I can see it in your face! Whatever you felt for me before, you don't feel it anymore! I can tell, you know? You're disgusted by me!"

He just stared at Kageyama, his face stuck in perpetual shock. His mind was trying to register and process Kageyama's words, but his brain couldn't keep up with it when his own thoughts were raging. Was he really disgusted? Or had he felt something a kin to it? Towards his boyfriend- his Tobio? What he felt for him before- he loved Kageyama, and he would always love him. Had he, for a millisecond, stopped loving him? Was that even possible? That wasn't possible. He loved Kageyama. He would always love him.

Why was he questioning himself now?

"You can't even say anything," Kageyama said, looking at Tsukishima in disbelief. "You're not even trying to lie."

"Because I don't want to lie!" He clicked his tongue, his hands leaving Kageyama's arms. "That came out wrong. That's not what I meant."

"So I'm right."

"You're not," he said, shaking his head. "We should rest. We're both tired and we don't know what we're talking about."

"Yeah, right," Kageyama spat the words out. "You should sleep in your room. I'm taking the couch."

Tsukishima frowned. "We can sleep in the room together, Tobio."

"I'd rather be alone than to have you pulling away from me later," he replied, his voice was stern but also broken at the same time.

Tsukishima wanted to tell him that he wouldn't do that, but he also knew that it was only going to lead them into another argument, and they couldn't afford to be arguing now. They shouldn't be yelling at each other. It wasn't going to make things better. He didn't think anything could make this whole thing better.

But he still had to let Kageyama know that he wouldn't reject him.

"I'm not going to do that, Tobio," he started slowly, gently. "But if you want to be alone, then you're going to sleep in the bedroom. I'll sleep on the couch."

"No. I said I'm-"

 _"Tobio."_ He looked at Kageyama. "Please, sleep in the bedroom."

Kageyama blinked, the anger on his face loosening, but the sadness that replaced it wasn't any better. Tsukishima wanted to hold his face and kiss it away, but he also didn't want Kageyama to pull away, to reject him. He had made Kageyama feel this way, so he wasn't supposed to feel like he was the one who got hurt. But he was hurt when Kageyama was.

The shorter male turned away, walking towards the bedroom wordlessly. Tsukishima listened to his fainting footsteps, then he heard a door being swung open, and a quiet click.

Tsukishima exhaled heavily, he threw himself on the couch, knocking more breaths out of him. He took his glasses off, placing them on the coffee table, next to Kageyama's tea that had gone cold. He stared at the ceiling, searching for answers, solutions, engraved somewhere on it. There had to be something there, hidden in the white paint. Something that could get them out of this situation safely.

He felt a pressure in his eyes, and he tried to blink it away, but it started to sting and burn. It became more persistent as he closed them. The pain pushing against his lids. It travelled down to his whole face, and his lips started to tremble. He gritted his teeth as he felt the first tear slipped out, along with the curse word finding its way out of his lips. More tears came out, rolling down the corners of his eyes. He threw an arm over his eyes, trying to stop the tears but he cried more instead. He pressed his lips together, not wanting to let a single sound out and alert Kageyama. He had to let his boyfriend rest, and then he could rest.

But he couldn't sleep, even when he stopped crying, he couldn't rest.

He didn't think he had been disgusted. He thought he could never be disgusted with Kageyama. He was his everything, and he had never said it out loud because he didn't want people to snatch his everything away. His happiness, his sadness- Kageyama was all of them. He hadn't been disgusted with Kageyama.

He had been scared of Kageyama.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm currently working on the last part of this fic. I had a hard time writing this one. I did space out every now and then in the process haha. Thank you so much for reading!


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